we're chasing vodka with high fives
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
