Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
i think im in europe. pls send help