I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
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there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
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Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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