well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.