there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
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Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.