My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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