dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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