I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
she smelled like a LAN party
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
