I molested 6 butterflies tonight
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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