be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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