Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
