brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Randomize
