Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
