I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
29 Super Simple DIY Drinking Games
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad