Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.