Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(518): View more from New York

I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.

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(518): I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw. http://tfl.nu/ptpv

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(480): View more from Arizona

hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?

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(480): hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener? http://tfl.nu/98l9

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(443): View more from Maryland

no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work

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(443): no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work http://tfl.nu/0acv

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(703): View more from Virginia

i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is

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(703): i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is http://tfl.nu/hhp3

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(856): View more from New Jersey

just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.

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(856): just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better. http://tfl.nu/p7cf

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(631): View more from New York

It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.

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(631): It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates. http://tfl.nu/ctme

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(734): View more from Michigan

I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.

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(734): I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me. http://tfl.nu/tn93

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(720): View more from Colorado

I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop

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(720): I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop http://tfl.nu/llg8

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(907): View more from Alaska

I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.

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(907): I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer. http://tfl.nu/7gfq

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(631): View more from New York

Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.

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(631): Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me. http://tfl.nu/yrie

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.

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(617): these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean. http://tfl.nu/z2n6

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(925): View more from California

I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it

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(925): I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it http://tfl.nu/75u1

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(815): View more from Illinois

Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?

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(815): Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing? http://tfl.nu/an2z

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(803): View more from South Carolina

Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could

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(803): Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could http://tfl.nu/i42k

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(228): View more from Mississippi

Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!

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(228): Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?! http://tfl.nu/8no9

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