Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
