Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
