I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
