I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
