Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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