I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
He felt like a one man threesome
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
