And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
