Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I party with great urgency now.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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