I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
