i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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