Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
