I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Randomize
