Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
