dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
