Having a random hookup so left but love u
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
