just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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