I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
