Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
