If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
