My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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