Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(651): View more from Minnesota

I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.

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(250): View more from British Columbia

Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...

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(845): View more from New York

We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.

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(941): View more from Florida

there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE

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(519): View more from Ontario

No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.

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(281): View more from Texas

Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol

(1-281): View more from Texas

Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?

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