I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
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I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
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Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?