I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
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also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
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He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
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