Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie