we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.