Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
your address is 607B right?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
23 Insane Reasons People Got Fired
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.