before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
