i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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