It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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