We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
