It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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