He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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