doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
