Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
