Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
