There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
