I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
