I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
