I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
