I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
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