well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
