I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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