How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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