It's like God shit irony all over that family
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
