I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
