Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
