You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
