He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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