How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
