You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
