Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
