my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
