she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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