Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
