remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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