They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
