I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
