Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
