I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize